Life is CONSTANTLY humbling me. I swear, just as soon as I share or teach something, I get humbled on the back end. Making me ponder if I really know anything at all.
It’s probably why I’m most skeptical of people who have it all figured out. Because if they do, friends, I’ve got a lot of holes in my life.
I think about this often. When you share work online, it’s easy to look like you have it all together. The screen makes that look easy. But if you zoom out, you’ll find most people are just really good at moving things around, making the onscreen image look great.
I bring this up because I never want you to assume I’ve got this figured out. I don’t want this to be an excuse, but I don’t really think life is meant to be figured out. It’s not about arriving, but learning. It’s staying humble to the sanctifying work of “in process.”
So when I tell you how I get healthy food into my teenagers, I’m not going to sugarcoat it.
They don’t always listen to me (Even though I remind them often: mom is never wrong. Yes, I’m going to be humbled for that one).
At some point they have to decide they want to be well.
And here’s the thing: we all have to decide that too. We have to want to be well. And if you don’t, it doesn’t matter what someone else tells you or does for you. It won’t work.
Truthfully, I think it’s one of the greatest downfalls of our health. We haven’t been taught that health is our responsibility.
You might think you want to be well. But do you actually take responsibility for your own well-being?
I think our lack of responsibility for our health is part of why the health industry is so successful. It profits off us rolling around in our own victim self, and then we pay “them” to “save" us. But let me remind you…
The health space will never save you.
One, why would it? It makes a lot of money because it can’t save you, leaving you reliant on it.
Two, it’s impossible. Because health is your own responsibility. You have to choose it for yourself. You have to want to be well.
I remind my kids of this all the time. Even and especially when they were young. The reminder that health isn’t what happens to you. It’s what you do with it. You get to live out the benefit of your action or the consequence.
If you don’t feel well, what can you do to help change that?
We may have taught our girls from a young age that sleep cures all things. Did you see what we did there? It might have been slightly manipulative, but it was also highly beneficial for all involved.
This brings to mind a passion of mine, and it has to do with feeding kids. And the biggest point I can make about feeding healthy kids is that it starts with you.
Feeding healthy kids starts with you taking care of you!!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Kids are the best room readers. They can smell hypocrisy better than a bloodhound can sniff out a steak through a locked door.
Step one: The most important step in feeding healthy kids is to feed yourself well. Because they’re watching you. How can we expect them to eat better than we do?
We can’t. We shouldn’t.
Kids mirror you. What you eat. What you choose. How you view food. And how you view your body and take care of it is all being learned from you. So if you’re worried about your kids, maybe that’s a sign that it’s actually time to work on yourself.
Step two: Understand eating patterns shift with developmental stages.
One thing I’ve always found interesting is that one of the first independent skills a child develops is food autonomy.
This also highlights why food has become such a fight. When you take what a baby is trying to learn and create for themselves and dictate it by an adult, who doesn’t share the same needs or food preferences, you’re bound to create a food war.
Now there’s generally more to this. But in my opinion, the majority of food wars start here. By attempting ot dictate what and how much a child eats from a very young age.
What a child actually needs is room to develop food autonomy. If you give them that room, and you focus on yourself, you get a kid with an expansive palate and the propensity to make better choices down the line.
Now, I have a lot more thoughts on raising healthy eaters. But I promised this would be about feeding teenagers, so to get back on track, let me mention that food autonomy matters to them just as much, if not more, as it does to toddlers.
The biggest shift I see from children to teenagers is actually teaching them stewardship. And that looks a lot more like conversations over control.
For an almond mom (which is what my kids call me), this is one of the hardest things to do. Taking your hands off the wheel and letting your teens choose.
Now, that doesn’t mean a free-for-all. At least not in our home. I still decide what comes into the house (within reason), and I still mostly decide what goes on the table. What I’m trying to say is, you still have some control.
But what is powerful about the developmental phase of teenagers is that they can now process responsibility, benefits, and consequences. They can now process how food makes them feel.
We need to teach teenagers to connect the dots.
Because they can connect the dots.
Teach them to pay attention to those dots, building the skills to make wise choices on their own. Many times, you’ll see the fruit of this. Like having girls who eat like boys because they know eating more helps them maintain healthy structure in their bodies.
Other times, you’ll have to resist the urge to rip the dirty soda out of their hands and let them learn for themselves (and this is where I struggle, because I’m not so good at biting my tongue).
But again, it highlights that, as a teenager, the most important thing is no longer control but conversation.
But that all comes back to the single most important thing in feeding teens:
STOP TRYING TO DICTATE THEIR food choices and show them by living it yourself.
With that said, I’m sharing my tried-and-tested top ten list of “rules and ideas” I value in feeding kids/teenagers. I’m also sharing our family's notes doc with a running list of teenage-approved breakfast, lunch, and snack ideas my kids made.
01: THEY’RE MIRRORING YOU.
This is perhaps the most important tip. Your kids are watching you, and you can’t expect them to eat, live, or respond differently than you do. If you want to raise healthy eaters, be a healthy eater first.
02. NO FOOD DRAMA.
I don’t have many food rules, but the one I stand behind is: stop judging food (and your body). I’m not a fan of health, food, and body drama and actually don’t tolerate it in my home. Food just is. Your body is good. Stop judging it and learn from it. There’s no need to make a fuss about it. It’s all just information.
03. WATCH YOUR WORDS.
Another one that’s more about you than them. Be careful how you talk about food and yourself, because that’s what they’re learning. We repeat stories unless we learn to change them (ahem, why we all need to do the freedom story workshop). What story are you passing on to your kids about food and your body? Is that what you wish for them?
04. Talk about how things MAKE YOU FEEL.
And I’m not just talking emotionally, although emotions are good feedback. But talk about how it is (or isn’t) helping your body. I fully believe kids want to be well. WE ALL WANT TO BE WELL. Show them how they can use food and lifestyle choices to help them. Use food as a tool. Don’t make it the enemy.
05. OFFER MORE THAN ENOUGH.
I firmly believe that at least half of all teenage moodiness could be solved with more food and an earlier bedtime. Last week, my own kids swore I was starving them when we were low on groceries. It was a good reminder that growing kids need a lot of good food, and often. Let them eat.
06. BALANCE: MAKING IT FOR THEM, with teaching them to make it for themselves.
Here’s the thing, kids aren’t that different than we are. We don’t always love to make food for ourselves. Which is why it’s easy to rely on snacks, takeout, not eating, or just slugging back another coffee. They’re no different. You can have all the healthy food on hand; the issue is WHO IS GOING TO MAKE IT?
Give them the gift of making for them, while also balancing that with providing ideas they can make for themselves. We keep a running list of easy ideas for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. Half the time, they just need an idea that sparks a craving and drives them to make it themselves.
07. PACK SNACKS FOR EVERYTHING.
Keep snacks in bags, in your car, and when you pick up at practice. Keep them fed.
08. INVITE THEM INTO THE PROCESS.
Again, food autonomy and choice are very important to kids and teenagers (as they are to you). Let them be part of the process of picking out groceries and determining what’s for dinner. We have a rule: if you don’t offer an idea, you have zero room to complain. Sometimes they generally don’t care (or don’t want to think of anything), and other times they have really great suggestions.
Mom hack: I order most of my groceries online for pickup and I let each kid sit down and do some shopping. They can place things they want in the cart. It doesn’t mean I have to get it, but it does save me a lot of time.
09: MAKE FOOD APPETIZING AND FUN.
We eat with our eyes first. If it’s not appetizing, you'll assume it’s not good. Don’t get so lost in healthy that you lose appetizing. And don’t get so lost in the “good for you” that you take away the fun.
10. DON’T DRAMATIZE THE PHASES.
Kids, teenagers, and even adults all go through food phases. Don’t get hung up on them or make them a problem when it doesn’t need to be. Food phases are a way to learn and try. Let them. The more you honor these phases and preferences without making a deal about it, the quicker they will move through them.
I’ll end by sharing the running notes doc of breakfast, lunch, and snack ideas my kids have noted. This was created by them based on their food preferences. I love this list because it gives me quick ideas to pull from when I’m grocery shopping.
Start your own list with your kids. Let them make a list of breakfast ideas, lunch ideas, and snacks that they enjoy.
I promise it will help you, just as much as it will help them.
I’m going to say it one more time: your kids' health really starts with you. What are you doing to create health in you?
